When the Lower Self Takes Over

A senior lawyer I coached would become triggered under pressure, especially when he was not getting clear answers or when a key piece of information was missing.

He had a very low tolerance for mistakes, delayed or incomplete information, or bureaucracy that slowed progress.

When he sensed something was off, he reacted fast and forcefully, often taking it out on whoever was in front of him.

And then came the regret.

From the outside, it looked like volatility.

From the inside, there was a strong sense of urgency.

Neuroscience shows that the brain’s threat detection system, the amygdala, can hijack our ability to regulate and discern, especially during moments of intense pressure or responsibility in leadership. This defense mode explains why reactivity can feel both urgent and protective. In the lawyer’s case, his brain was scanning for threat, and protection kicked in before reflection could catch up.

But here is what we discovered. The reaction was often a signal.

He was accurately detecting risk, legal exposure, strategic gaps, and flawed reasoning.

The problem was not his perception.

It was the intensity of delivery.

We worked on turning the emotional volume down just enough so he could raise concerns clearly without alienating the room.

Over time, he became better at pausing, naming the issue, and staying connected while doing it.

Not perfectly. Not every time.

But more often than before.

And importantly, the people around him already sensed he was principled and deeply committed to doing the right thing.

The higher self did not eliminate the lower self.

It learned to lead it.

Your reactivity can carry useful data, like an internal GPS signaling something to pay attention to.

Leadership is not about suppressing emotion. It is about integrating it.

 

Insight is powerful. Practice is transformational.

You do not need a 10-minute meditation.

You need 5 seconds.

• Slow your breathing.
• Drop your shoulders.
• Ask yourself: What am I reacting to right now?

The pause re-engages the prefrontal cortex and widens your response options.

 

Your reaction contains information.

But it also contains interpretation.

Ask:

• What story am I telling myself?
• What data do I have?
• What are the actual concrete facts of this situation?

This distinction prevents urgency from turning into accusation.

 

Instead of:

• “Why didn’t you think this through?”

Try:

• “I see a potential risk in this approach. Can we walk through it?”

Shift from blame to problem identification.

The goal is not to soften your standards. It is to modulate intensity.

Strong leaders can deliver hard truths without hard edges.

Ask yourself:

• How can I say this in a way that keeps people in the conversation?

Even with practice, you will still overreact sometimes.

When you do, repair quickly.

• “I reacted strongly earlier. The issue matters, but I want to revisit it in a more constructive way.”

Repair builds credibility. Avoidance erodes it.

 

Sometimes your trigger is rooted in personal history. 

Family was the first organization you joined. It shaped how you relate to authority, the role you took on, and what felt acceptable in managing emotion. Under pressure, those patterns often reappear.

Ask:

• Is this about me, my role, or the system we are operating in?

This question shifts you from reaction to reflection.

 

The lower self will always speak first. It evolved for speed.

The higher self must be invited in.

Leadership maturity is not about eliminating reactivity.

It is about building the capacity to notice it, decode it, and lead through it.

Because often, your strongest reactions are pointing toward something that truly matters.

The question is whether you can guide that signal in a way that strengthens rather than fractures the people relationships around you.

 

.